On my way home from meeting up with ry and getting some stuff, and catched up in the process, mentioned raymond passively then he ended up talking about alot of stuff that, in full honesty, made alot of sense… Buuut, I’m home now, and it’s 1AM, gotta work! I’ll just hafta finish talking to myself in my head… Ciao!
That feeling of waking up beside you…
WHY THE FUCK DID YOU LET HIM LEAVE??!!!!
YOU JUST FUCKIN TOLD HIM YOU WOULDN’T SHOO HIM AWAY!!
JESUS FUCK, ARE YOU EVER GONNA LEARN?!
Well, I just realized what I did last night.
When will I ever react the right way to something so simple and not over complicate things.
That it was too good to be true.
That after a really long void, I was smiling again, laughing even, at the simplest of things and the corniest of jokes.
That I was actually opening myself up to feel again, that I got lost in the process, again.
That I didn’t control myself and be kindof at my worst to see if you’d still take me for me and feel what you felt.
Because, let’s face it, I have been through alot. And I’ve been with a lot, and maybe to others my history is something they cannot live with, or even bear to stand…
I just never thought you saw me the same.
I dont know what just happened. 10 minutes ago, I was laughing with him, then now, I’m crying my feelings out and was prompted by them to just tap the “W” that’s been on mg home screen for quite some time, and just always managed to set aside
This has long been overdue.
But I can’t let it go on.